A Big Decision

Cliff warning - Belenesq

I made a huge decision a couple of weeks ago. My remote work location Web Marketing Manager position was terminated as part of a reduction in forces. But there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I had the opportunity to move to Denver for a different position with the same company.

My first thought was that I had to move to Denver. I started making plans, setting time-lines, notifying family, and stressing out. It wasn’t just the right thing to do, it was the only thing to do. Or so I initially thought.

As the days went by I noticed that my morning walks were no longer cheerful ones. I use the walks with my lab Ivory (@niceblog on Twitter) as a chance to reflect and enjoy the beauty of the morning. I say hello to everyone I meet – the early-working men on their way to fields or to cut grass who hang out near the bakery, my neighbors, folks at the park. I also use the walk to reset my energy. It’s just like when a dog shakes in place. They do so to shake away the past and to get back to a calm and present state of being.

But that was changing. At one point I looked up to say hi to a passerby-er and realized that my face didn’t convey its usual confidence and cheer, but something quite different. It expressed pain.

When confronted with a tough decision, we have two immediate thought inputs. One is instinct and the other is fear. The first works off of concrete experience, intuition, and confidence and the second works off of insecurities, cumulative fears, and a fictional past and future. This is what they said:

Fear: Boy, you really dodged a bullet there. Of course you only have one choice. Let’s pack up the house, put it in storage then lets move to Denver. Yes, you’ll probably lose the house, wont’ be able to take Ivory with you, and will be a thousand miles from all your family but at least you won’t be unemployed. If you don’t take the job you’ll never find another one and you’ll be a loser.

Harsh.

Instinct: You’ve worked so hard over the past 12 years to build a career for yourself outside of your daily job. You earned two Masters degrees, ventured out and co-founded a Dot Com startup, were a University lecturer, and have learned how to foster online communities. This may be a good time for you to break away and fully match your personal interests with your everyday career path. You can do this. It’s time.

Fear likes to keep people quiet. It tells us to keep things to ourselves so that people don’t think we’re losers, petty, or insignificant. Fear tells us that we need to be quiet because we have no idea what we’re doing or how things will turn out. But the more we listen to fear, the more we internalize those insecurities and act based on them. Eventually we end up projecting those fears to others.

I don’t know where this adventure will lead me, but I choose to move forward with courage and to continually empower myself and others around me. And yes, fear will creep out from time to time. But now I’ll see it as an indication that I am progressing and moving into new and uncharted waters while staying true to myself.

I intend to share this journey and some of the tools, inspirations, and approaches that I’ll been using to stay focused. Thanks for listening and for joining me on this adventure. Thanks to all those who have already sent encouraging words and job leads. I truly appreciate your words and actions and am grateful for your support.

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4 Responses to A Big Decision

  1. KansasKate says:

    Jesse,

    You are a teacher.

    Working w/ kids, lecturing at a university, making online tutorials, showing people how create blogs or websites… there are lots of ways to teach. You will find a way to use who you are to make a living — I’m sure of it.

    Un brazo,
    Kate
    PS That said, you should have taken the Denver job. Then we’d be only 10 hrs apart, and Belén could come and play arts & crafts. 🙂

  2. Jesse Luna says:

    Hi Kate,
    I think B would have loved that. We’ll have to plan a visit once the teaching progresses. Thanks for all your support! ~Jesse

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